Did you quit and then relapse? Don't beat yourself up over it. It happens to the best of us, including me. We are all human, and we are all just doing our best in this world. Sometimes, it takes learning a lesson the hard way a few times over before you really learn it for good. I thought I would share my relapse experience to either help you feel like you're not alone and/or to help you learn a lesson through me.
After I was past my initial quit for some time, I truly thought I could use kratom again and have more control over it. (How quickly we can forget the agony and distress it once caused!) My thought was I would just take 1.5 grams of powder once or twice a week only when I felt like I really needed it for anxiety. Well, sure enough, after my first dose wore off, all I could think about was when I could have it again. I held myself off for a day and then took another dose. That dose didn't provide much relief, so I told myself the next time, I would allow myself to go up to 2 grams and justified it because it was still such a low dose. Even though I wasn't planning on taking it on consecutive days, I found myself taking 2 grams the very next day and was up to 3 grams by the end of that week without missing a day of use. Just the thought of when I was going to take it next was consuming my days. I was quickly up to a 5-gram dose, and right after I swallowed that dose of the horrific green sludge, I threw the rest of the bag of powder into the dumpster. I truly had no control with it in my possession and couldn't mentally or physically afford to go down the same path I was on months earlier. I felt ashamed that I fell into the same situation that I knew better than to be in, and I felt like a liar because I had promised my husband I would never take it again. I also had to pay the price of a couple of nights of terrible sleep and restless legs. I honestly couldn't believe the restless legs came back so quickly. I will say, though, that after I dumped the bag, it took up less mental space in my brain. It was no longer an option, and I didn't have it at my disposal.
If you relapsed, try, try, again. Eventually, your quit will be your final quit.
P.S. - We recently added agmatine to QuitK to specifically target cravings.
Wishing you the best of luck on this journey!
